Faced

We live in a culture that makes us outcasts.
In a place where we don’t fit.
In a life that isn’t what it could be.
We learn to pretend it’s all OK.
We move through it as happy, functioning adults.
We keep the painful parts hidden from the world, lurking just below the surface.
The longer we practice, the better we become at it.

When we take those first steps toward a better life for ourselves, all the pain that’s sitting right below the surface starts to come up. It washes over our mind, a constant presence waiting to be acknowledged.But we’re not ready; we don’t want to face it. So we try to push it back down and we eat. Eating numbs the pain.

We go back to that life we found so much comfort in, the one we know so well, the one that is safe. And the pounds lost start coming back.We fall off the wagon.We are ashamed.We feel like failures.We convince ourselves this is just how we are meant to be.

Reality 2

Moon so bright
Sky show the beauty
Wind blow every angel of earth
My soul fly without wings.....

Earth always look at Star,
Feels like nearest,
But..........
Feels doen't show anythings....

Reality much cruel
Pain so sure to gain
But....
Minds control the games.....

Words inside night

When its the dark around..
This world seems to be sleeping around..
I go for a walk.
A walk through my thoughts..
Too many reasons for that !!
I know, I should have slept
But I cant stop..
Oh ! Please don’t stop
I need to think around,Am I leading my life right ?
I know I am driving through storm
Everything is lost..
I ask should I be lost too ?
Some part of me says Yes
But the other says No.
What to do.. Its a fight within !!
How to sleep its a fight within !!
So every night when the night sleeps
I am awake,
On a walk through my thoughts,
A walk through a battle ground.
Its not just thought..
But a walk through the battle ground..

The Aims~~

Well , after all only through bloger can express what is inside me, right now i feel everything was change. There's no one again in my deep heart. Its time the falling leave again and again. Outside still raining like understand my feeling.

Tomorrow something big will happen , anyway i feel like its have to be handle by wise action. After all, i have to face it by myself. I have to get back my strength again,  its has been far away i take the wrong path. Its time to get back. I have lost again. what ever it is, i need to get back eventhough is really painful.

Huuhhh...... take a deep breath, For the moment, i really can't understand why that person want to destroyed my happiness? Its really piss of me!... but I don't need to complain it again because its already past and complaining can't return back my happiness. Its really hard for me to build one happiness but its really easy to that person destroyed it. I'm not sure what the purpose it is to do such a shit to me. I keep thinking what going to be happen to my life.. I never find the answer. Its all about that person who really destroyed me.


I tried to forget on what happened but still failed to do it 100% .   I swear i will be surpassed that person, if not I will die in 5 years. I'll fight to the death....

Once

Once upon the time,this guy teach me how to live and yet i still cant understand fully.

Day of My Life

                          Day after day, my book of life fill in with the meaningful moment, some its bad memories but some its really sweet memories. What a shape of life, man... I always loved to stared at the sky during moon dance over the sky. Sky somehow bring all back the memories,  all is like flash back movie to me. Whatever had happened , i have to continue my journey until i can fly. It's doesn't matter if i have to walk alone because all way of my life, i always alone since she's gone. Wake up, man!!

                        Right now i feel like sorrow in the sky. There's several things always played in my head, damn it!! People will throw u away when u make the first mistake, i don't know what kind of mistake it is, for me its just my opinion cz only me fully understand my life. Well , i can't do anything about it, just hope forgiven will be given eventhough its not my false or just let it go.

                       One of admirable and respectful person was in accident last few weeks ago. Damn shit, man!! I really was in shocked and i tried to controled my emotion, but failed. Its really rare my tears for person i just know. Mean here, person who i cried for is the person had give big impact to my life. I hope this person will come back soon and togather we have a mission in company.

                      In  my work life, its really stressful cz my work is chasing time. Lucky I have a lot of person who really entertain and also one person fully accept me without throw any curious. This person also make my way of life totally different compared to previous life. Help me out any kind of situation, teaching me a lot things in life and treat me as family. This person really out of mind and its make people comfortable. I treasured a lot of this person as much i treasured my family.


                     CST is full with happiness, motivation and craziness. Its really make my life in office cheerful. CST have supported in my work and they really wonderfull team I ever met. Their team work is really uncomparable with others. They know how to use their head properly...kekeke.....I'm happy be with them in my organization.



                   Once my late beloved said, " love born happiness and sadness, its depend how we handle the situation to make happy ending". I love u forever and I promised i not forget u even i find the new love. U always in my heart.


' Life pushes you around. Each push is life saying, "wake up, there's something i want you to learn' - Robert Kiyosaki

Sun

There's always born new hopes

Faith~~

This song remind me to Carren, ”if the destiny want we be together, we will” . Take a deep breath and release its slowly. I have to accept it, she have gone for years, what we promise together, now its all left me alone. I’m the only one who lives in this promises and now I standing here as the person who can depends on. Thanks to my love u found me in the deep of the darkness.

Reality of being

*“It’s important to realize that we can’t successfully compete with everyone
that we facet whether in business or our own life*” By Jim Stoval

All time I have been through all kind of the trouble that come across, the
pain always I keep inside my heart. Today, I able to stand like people said
“useful person”. Suddenly I realize all journeys I have been through, all
pain I have been had, I’d take it by my own. No one stand beside me along
the journey. I miss so much that person who leave me too soon. That the
faith and I slowly to accept it.

The times runs faster than I thought………………………

“Haiishhh….cheer up kyle, people depend on you”, I scared to be alone, I
always help others with hope someone will remember my name. I just ask only
a little space. I still remember when I was kid, I always be alone, when I
wake up in the morning, there's nobody at home, I have no friend. My house
was lock from outside, I stared in the window and I see nobody. (long
story…)…..From that moment, I always scared to be alone. ..........

The tense always accompany me day by day, sometime it's bring me to the nightmare, i have to compete with people that have 10 years experience in that company. Everyday it is a war for me, cant let the time pass easily. .....just continued my walked till the end of the road...................

Early morning I wake up, “what will happen today?” …………..

**

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/Deanxy

My target...

Ffuuhh ……take a deep breath……..there’s a lot want to write but I don’t know which one first. Hahaha..

It’s have been 2 month with my new company. I’m happy being here although the paperwork a lots, but it fulfill my emptiness in my heart. Well it’s good for me. I just wanna go outside, show the world that I’m capable to take world’s challenge. My mind set, I’ll be rich at 27 years old. Some people, money not important…then I said “Nnnaahhhh…~~~ don’t bullshit here. What the fxxk r u talking bout? eventhough love is needed, without money, how can person u love will live on?”..hahaha…well, that’s the truth, dude.i’m bet on it!!.......

Oh God, it already 7.30pm…gooshh!!..owh (relieve), I just check, I don’t have any appointment today…thank goodness. Well, maybe end of this year I’ll move on to the new place and my choice is sabah. Just wanna new life, new breath and new me. I keep improving my skill and keep searching the appropriate job that leading to my dream. I want to be just like Warren Buffet. It is amazing?...yeahh, I know…haha….i work hard to be like him and surpass him one day …I’m getting old everyday and I appreciate every minute. I also wanna marriage at 30 years old after I fulfill my responsibility to my family and my friend.

Last moment when I met my best friend before he went to the new job as manager at KL, that time, I said to my self, “at the end everyone will alone, it’s nevermind, people always come and go and the most important it, love your self and it’s help u a lot”. Then the next day, I woke up early and straight go to office. Somehow, I feel I get the new soul. Well my best friend fight for his future, and I’m also wanna fight for my own future. Just give the best shot!!..ooooyeaahhhh!!!

Well, guys, see u the next post…..pray for me,guys!

Path

There is the road when u have to be alone, when everybody take their own path, this mean my real life just about begin. Tonight I can’t fall a sleep, there’s many things in my head/ in the silent night, brings me to the past, when I just started my life in Shah Alam. There’s a lot of things happened. I have met all type of people and all hurt that I never feel before. It’s really true when people said city is the cruel place living. Now, I completely understand the meaning of that statement. Now, I already finish my studies and in progress to internship. The time where’s I move into the real world and create my own future. This time , all my friend walk in the different road and find their own future. It’s kind a sad when have to take the different path, but we all must go on for our own good. I will miss them for ever and they left sweet memories for me.

I look the sky, there’s something sad appears. My late beloved always look at the sky when she have difficult situation. She said, the night sky make her calm and peaceful. I always remember what she said to me because she’s my ever treasure. I keep walk until the day where’s I achieved the success in my life. I’ll show to the world that I’m able to achieve my dream. The loneliness that I’ve been through makes me strong to survive.

Now I’m all alone, walk into my own path. I wish good luck to my friends and I hope we will meet again with power of success in hand.

Losing again

Life....

It’s bears happiness and sadness,

Still, it’s remains in silent,

No one could understand it,

What life trying to say…

Hearts…….

Sometime feel like your own,

Sometime feels like stager,

Sometime feel wanna tears,

Sometime fell wanna laugher,

Sometime like a river,

Sometime like thirst,

And, it’s how its seems ,

Speak with your heart,

Listen to your heart,

Choose soul mate from the heart,

The world may say anything,

But your heart said your willing……

The smooth sound of the night, while I’ve my drink after finishes my revision, I feel some spaces in my heart, I’m tried to find out what it’s. I’m keep thinking and I think I know the answer, it’s LOSING. Owh , I’m laughing and said to myself,” the history always repeat on me, I’ve should know it”. Since I was kid, I always look at the sky when I depressed. The sky is so beautiful and makes people calm. Some people when they look the sky, they hope the person that they loved will look at too. It’s like the sky connected the heart even two hearts in different place.

Come on, I don’t need that feeling, when I achieved something precious in my life, there’s always someone will took it from me and left me a gift, Its pains . The pain that me suffer , the pain that always accompany me. There’s no one could understand my heart. There no one feel how hurt I am. Only one thing they saw through me, its happy face.

Sorrow of the night keep climbing, but I still can’t close my eyes. There are too many things playing in my head right now. Now I’m all alone, like my friend said, lone ranger. I still don’t know what should I do, I still thinking my next step……

Love Desire Honesty Hurt

“Eventhough you love someone, it’s doesn’t mean you have to be with them” that’s my friend said to me just now. I’m keep thinking about that, there’s the truth behind that statement. But mean you have to sacrifice for your love. Sometime destiny makes it happen. I look around, I saw there’s people hurt because the matter of trust. Love and desire is very different things, people should know it.

While I’m writing this blog, suddenly one song starts to play. The song is Ella- Pedih. I tried to listen this song, I found out there’s have people always hurt because there’s no honesty in relationship. Honesty is very important in any kind of relationship. Ask yourself, do you honest with ur lover, brother or others…….what I hope now the honesty. When we lied to someone, when that people know it by themselves, they will get hurt more and in such pain situation. Might be outside look alright, but inside the tears of blood.

Pedih

Artist: Ella

Bukan kecewa dipinggirkan
Aku kecewa tiada kejujuran
Bukan bersedih disakiti
Teramat pedih diri dikhianati

Sebelum kasih menjadi benci
Aku memilih berpisah di sini

Bila tiada kesetiaan
Tak mungkin teguh pendirian
Biar menangis di ketika ini
Tidak rela menangis
Kemudian hari

Hilang kekasih mungkin berganti
Yang ku harapkan teman sejati
Sebelum kasih menjadi benci
Aku memilih berpisah di sini

Ho..ho..ho..
Ho..ho..ho..
Teman sejati

Ho..ho..ho..
Ho..ho..ho..
Berpisah di sini

This morning

the dark cloud dancing everywhere, it's a cold morning....
feels very peaceful, the wind blow a fresh air ...
beautiful morning...

Weird

Being too happy it's sign for lose something..people always said it.....Hmm ...I was very happy today, it's kind a weird things.. now I'm so scared and i know something bad will come... i hope i can handle it with calm...Amin...

JJ Lin Jun Jie 林俊傑-背對背擁抱 Bei Dui Bei Yong Bao

话总说不清楚
hua zong shuo bu qing chu
该怎么明了
gai zen me ming liao
一字一句像圈套
yi zi yi ju xiang quan tao
旧帐总翻不完
jiu zhang zong fan bu wan
谁无理取闹
shei wu li qu nao
你的双手甩开刚好的微妙
ni de shuang shou shuai kai gang hao de wei miao
然后战火再燃烧
ran hou zhan huo zai ran shao

Chorus:
我们背对背拥抱
wo men bei dui bei yong bao
滥用沉默在咆哮
lan yong chen mo zai pao xiao
爱情来不及变老
ai qing lai bu ji bian lao
葬送在烽火的玩笑
zang song zai feng huo de wan xiao

我们背对背拥抱
wo men bei dui bei yong bao
真话兜著圈子乱乱绕
zhen hua dou zhe quan zi luan luan rao
只是想让我知道
zhi shi xiang rang wo zhi dao
只是想让你知道
zhi shi xiang rang ni zhi dao
爱的警告(这警告)
ai de jing gao (zhe jing gao )

Repeat from beginning

我不要一直到
wo bu yao yi zhi dao
形同陌路变成自找
xing tong mo lu bian cheng zi zhao
既然可以拥抱
ji ran ke yi yong bao
就不要轻易放掉
jiu bu yao qing yi fang diao

Repeat Chorus and last 3 lines of chorus

The way....

Last night, I walked alone in the rain, I can see nobody there, its feel so quite, only I heard is the music every drops of rain. It’s feel like I’m the only one in town, the death town, Shah Alam. Now I feel so lonely, without anyone beside me.

There’s no one can replace the happiness I had before. May be it’s time for me be alone again. I know, there’s a lot of people surround me, but not each of them is sincerely. I have found it before, but it has been stole by person that always stole it from me just like before.

After the person I had being stolen, I’m feel there’s a lot of space between that person. Day by day, I can feel the distance keep increasing. What can I do?...............

I wake up this morning, I saw full message from my friends, include that person. I always hope that the times reverse again. I don’t wanna losing that person….

The sky becomes so dark, the light singing and dancing in the death city.

It’s prepared for the rain come to join them and

I, continued walk in the in the sorrow of the night.

Now only study can release me from trap in sorrow, lonely, and sadness that already have been placed in my heart. I need to be like always I do because I don’t wanna that person feel bed on what that person have done. So, I hope u always will be happy with the robbery.