Stand still

It’s still raining today, the dark cloud busy walking around. Through the window, I can see all living things in Shah Alam. The wind blow my face, it's feel so fresh but “why I feel so sad?” asking myself. I feel so much pain in my heart after a several years I tried to forget it. It’s all come to visiting and bleeding all the old scars. I’m laughing to myself, I thought the pain already left me , but the truth, it’s only sleep in deep in my heart and waiting to wake up. Now it’s time the pain to kill all happiness. The sincerely smile, the true happiness now's gone……

Once upon the time, there’s have one legend which is has stated that eventhough you care bout that person, doesn’t mean you have to own that person, it’s enough to see their happiness because their happiness is your happiness. It’s the greatest sacrifice in relationship and the greatest pain you have to take along with you because you will be alone to face the life.

The sky still crying, I’m still thinking…. But I don’t know what I’m thinking. Outside look healthy but inside, I feel something wrong. Its feel something that can’t be describe by words. It’s really hard to faced life alone, no one to be there for you. Everything is not enough to face the life alone. But I don’t have a choice. Do I will falling down to earth?.........

I’m realizing the truth, I not good enough to be with anyone. May be it’s my destiny after all. But still , I’m tried to fight it and I know maybe it’s useless and will hurt myself,, but at least I’m tried to change my life……

I’M STILL STAND STRONG EVEN NOW SO MUCH PAIN………..

Still standing in the eyes of the world

< style="font-family:times new roman;"> It’s still raining today, the dark cloud busy walking around. Through the window, I can see all aroundbthe city. The wind blow my face, “why I feel so sad?” asking myself. I feel so much pain in my heart after a several years I tried to forget it. It’s all come to visiting and bleeding all the old scars. I’m laughing to myself, I thought the pain left me already, but the truth, it’s only sleep in deep in my heart and waiting to wake up. Now it’s time the pain to kill all happiness. The sincerely smile, the true happiness now gone……

Once, there’s have one legend which is stated that eventhough i care bout that person, doesn’t mean i owned the person, it’s enough to see their happiness because their happiness is your happiness. It’s the greatest sacrifice in relationship and the greatest pain i need to take along

The sky still crying, I’m still thinking…. But I don’t know what I’m thinking. I feel something wrong. Its feel something that can’t be describe by words. It’s really hard to faced life alone, no one to be there for me. But do I have a choice? Do I will falling down to earth?.........

May be it’s my destiny after all to taste so much pain. But still , I’m tried to fight it and I know maybe it’s useless and will hurt myself,, but at least I’m tried to change my life……

I’M STILL STAND STRONG EVEN NOW SO MUCH PAIN………..

When the time comes

There’s  star in the sky after the rain stopped. it's a cold and beautiful night. My mind flow away and I know I will lose again the important person in my life. I don’t know why I feel like this. There’s nothings will be forever. Not everything we want, we will get it. It’s not that easy because the sacrifice will be there. All pain, all scars, start bleeding again…. Now, I hope will fill my last moment with happiness. Raining in my heart will never stop, but I have to stand strong to realize my dreams. 

 

No. no… I still have my love which always watches me from the sky. “What I’m supposed to do, carren? Do I have been cursed that all people I love leave me behind alone?” speak to my self in the dark. Its feel like autumn leaf, have to leave the trees because it’s time to leave. The leaf will miss a lot the moment that being together with trees. Eventhough the leaf wanna stayed until the end of life, but its can’t afford it. That moment make me realize about there’s nothings will be forever. I’m tried to doubt it, but in the bottom of my heart, I know it’s the truth. 

 

Last few month, I was very happy, for the first time after so long I never feel so energetic and real smile on my face. It’s wow!!... I know from beginning it’s only temporary, but I feel the happiness in my life even it was short. With all promise I made that never leave me alone just wanna make me feel better. In my deepest heart, I realize it’s impossible to do so. But I’m still fighting for it eventhough I know I will hurt in the end…At that time, I will leave everything behind, I will disappeared from their eyes. I will take my heart go far away from here ………..

Unsure

It’s already in August, raining always be the theme of the day. Wind’s blowing, the environment keep cold, wonder whether I supposed feel happy? There’s something appears in my hearts that feeling said, someone wanna throw me to end of the world, someone look happy when I’m suffered, someone keep waiting for this moment. May be this time testing myself. I can run away if I’m alone, but I can’t because there’s have responsibility that I need to carry out. Now, I need to face all the things by myself. I just keep smiling because I know, this chapter it’s about to end. Let taste everything before going up to the next level, works. Something about the perfect life I dream before not become reality.

Rain keeps falling, my feeling keeps……………………………………..I don’t’ know how to describe it, it’s really hurt, happy, sadness, darkness, still I’m tried to stand alone, being strong enough to face it, like in wars, only left one soldier to fight a lot of enemies, still fight until the end, there’s a lot of blood.

No one can help me. If I’m failed to face this fucking situation, if I can’t control myself, I will kills everyone before I died, I will kill all memories with them. No, there’s only left less than 6 years. I need a new breath.

Falling Apart

Looking at the sky,

Seeing the star dance with full emotion,

Shining with their light make the sky so beautiful,

The star give full effort on their dance because they realize when time's come,

They will leave the sky,

Eventhough it’s hard to let it happen, but there’s no choice,

The star will falling down become comet,

They feel hurt when have to leave the sky ,

They feel glad to make sky happy since they have met,

What happened before will become the sweet memories.....

For the star look when be far away from the sky.....................................................

Kyle

Sacrifices

Night become dark and dark, there’s nothing can see through window. Lightning dance in the sky to welcome the rain, the clouds become dark and..... tik…tik…tik… The most beautiful song started to play, the song that human never able to create, the song that give life to all kind of being, and the song that give inspiration to human beings.

I’m looking out the window, seeing every drops of rain under the neon light. Keep thinking why sacrifices for someone else make happiness both sides. Without think about himself, he keep sacrifice in order to give happiness to people that he cared and loved. Without asking any payback, He feel happy sacrifice for them. He realize the risk, might be in the end, he will get hurt if he choose wrong people to give cared and loved, but he can’t afford it, he just thinking he have a short life, just left 5 or 6 years more, so he make the short happiness to have a sweet memories before he’s light turn off. He doesn’t let people around him know about it because he doesn’t want people’s sympathies.

He always thinks about others than himself, and I can see he always get hurt when people don’t understand what he tried to delivered. Sometime he cried alone because can’t take it anymore. But he wake up and said, ”I’ve promise to people I care and love and I have to full fill the promise that I made no matter what even its cost my life”.

Why he do such things? Even the people not his own blood, but he will do anything to fulfill the promised that he make. When I ask, why, then he answer “family is not about the blood, it’s all about who you cared and loved”. He tried so hard to make people (that he treats as family) will happy. When he getting close to somebody, he worried that person will leave him after he cared about and leave him in hurts. I know this always happened to him. And he afraid the history repeated again.

He keeps cross his hand and asking to save his relation with family he builds. So he can leave his world with peace and no one will know because he doesn’t want to take away his ‘family’ happiness. There’s no word how to describe this person……

Bored

Today, Around 3 o'clock in the morning, feel so deym hungry. Then I ask along to accompany me having breakfast because I know he feel the same. Sen already sleep because at 8a.m, he have a class. I thought wanna go by motorcycle, but along said,"eemm, we walk, take the fresh air in the morning"..I just agree. From apartment ilham to mamak shop,we walk. around 700 meter. But i feel no tired. might be , morning environment make me more energetic. There's a lot we share opinion about life. I know he older 2 years old than me. He have a lot of experience. After all student life and worker's life very much different.

This sem such a boring sem because i don't have a subject. I don't know what to do. I'm still searching part time job, but here, it's hard to find it.
But if about life, I've learn a lot. Nowadays , I always wrote poem and create song's lyric. Which is out of my courses, but i like to do poem or lyric. Side talent..huhu..

It's almost 6 o'clock in the morning, still not feel sleepy yet. Hhhmmmm... I think next post I will post poem, wanna read it?..feel free to visit m blog..thnx