The way....

Last night, I walked alone in the rain, I can see nobody there, its feel so quite, only I heard is the music every drops of rain. It’s feel like I’m the only one in town, the death town, Shah Alam. Now I feel so lonely, without anyone beside me.

There’s no one can replace the happiness I had before. May be it’s time for me be alone again. I know, there’s a lot of people surround me, but not each of them is sincerely. I have found it before, but it has been stole by person that always stole it from me just like before.

After the person I had being stolen, I’m feel there’s a lot of space between that person. Day by day, I can feel the distance keep increasing. What can I do?...............

I wake up this morning, I saw full message from my friends, include that person. I always hope that the times reverse again. I don’t wanna losing that person….

The sky becomes so dark, the light singing and dancing in the death city.

It’s prepared for the rain come to join them and

I, continued walk in the in the sorrow of the night.

Now only study can release me from trap in sorrow, lonely, and sadness that already have been placed in my heart. I need to be like always I do because I don’t wanna that person feel bed on what that person have done. So, I hope u always will be happy with the robbery.

HOPE?

Tonight, moonlight so blue, star keep smiling along with the wind dancing around. This environment make me so calm and peaceful. I can feel all living thing here gain a new strength, but...I still find where’s my strength gone. After a several years, I still fail to hold happiness in my hand. Everytime I had the happiness in my hand, suddenly it’s slip away. It’s just like my nightmare come everyday.

It’s hurt me again and again, I tried to continue my step back to the road. With all hurt and pain I had, I’m crying a lot, I’m shouting loudly, and I tried to act normal. I used all my strength to move my body,

"Aarrghhh…!!! It’s really hurt me now. Really hurt..... does anyone understand it?.It’s no one be there for me? Owh, I’m forget, now I have to accept the truth. The life that I created before, now it’s totally gone. Wwwhhyyyyyyyyy??????????.............." deep inside my heart.

It's already 1.00am, I could not close my eye. I'm looking through the window, the falling tears from the sky has started again. It's very quite night... In the dark of night, I can feel everybody already in their dream's world. Just only me left, waiting and searching the happiness nonstop. I feel really bad,really sad and really down on earth like every drop of tears does.

There’s people said that sometime our nightmare can become reality, but I still doubt it…I hope there’s still have a pieces of hope for me..

Sky still crying today

Today, the sky still in sadness and sorrow. Late afternoon when I was ride motorcycle, suddenly it’s raining. It’s very beautiful environment. Every tears of the sky drop on my body, it’s feel so cold. I slowdown my ride and enjoyed the rain. It’s just like the sky understand my heart, its crying when saw me crying deep inside my heart. I saw people running to avoid the rain, but me I’m not running because in my heart is already raining…..

I stared every drop of rain, “this is my life” said to myself. I can get everything, but my heart lonely day by day. Why my happiness always being steal?.... why when I in the middle of happiness, suddenly lose everything?...........

Hhuuuhhh…..I’m always think the answer, it’s there have true happiness or just everybody pretend there have happiness?.... now , I only bring myself to pretended world, I can pretend everything it all alright. May be I can forget what was happened lately. I keep cross my hand and I pray for all people that I love always will be happy. That’s all the last thing I can do…..

Stand still

It’s still raining today, the dark cloud busy walking around. Through the window, I can see all living things in Shah Alam. The wind blow my face, it's feel so fresh but “why I feel so sad?” asking myself. I feel so much pain in my heart after a several years I tried to forget it. It’s all come to visiting and bleeding all the old scars. I’m laughing to myself, I thought the pain already left me , but the truth, it’s only sleep in deep in my heart and waiting to wake up. Now it’s time the pain to kill all happiness. The sincerely smile, the true happiness now's gone……

Once upon the time, there’s have one legend which is has stated that eventhough you care bout that person, doesn’t mean you have to own that person, it’s enough to see their happiness because their happiness is your happiness. It’s the greatest sacrifice in relationship and the greatest pain you have to take along with you because you will be alone to face the life.

The sky still crying, I’m still thinking…. But I don’t know what I’m thinking. Outside look healthy but inside, I feel something wrong. Its feel something that can’t be describe by words. It’s really hard to faced life alone, no one to be there for you. Everything is not enough to face the life alone. But I don’t have a choice. Do I will falling down to earth?.........

I’m realizing the truth, I not good enough to be with anyone. May be it’s my destiny after all. But still , I’m tried to fight it and I know maybe it’s useless and will hurt myself,, but at least I’m tried to change my life……

I’M STILL STAND STRONG EVEN NOW SO MUCH PAIN………..

Still standing in the eyes of the world

< style="font-family:times new roman;"> It’s still raining today, the dark cloud busy walking around. Through the window, I can see all aroundbthe city. The wind blow my face, “why I feel so sad?” asking myself. I feel so much pain in my heart after a several years I tried to forget it. It’s all come to visiting and bleeding all the old scars. I’m laughing to myself, I thought the pain left me already, but the truth, it’s only sleep in deep in my heart and waiting to wake up. Now it’s time the pain to kill all happiness. The sincerely smile, the true happiness now gone……

Once, there’s have one legend which is stated that eventhough i care bout that person, doesn’t mean i owned the person, it’s enough to see their happiness because their happiness is your happiness. It’s the greatest sacrifice in relationship and the greatest pain i need to take along

The sky still crying, I’m still thinking…. But I don’t know what I’m thinking. I feel something wrong. Its feel something that can’t be describe by words. It’s really hard to faced life alone, no one to be there for me. But do I have a choice? Do I will falling down to earth?.........

May be it’s my destiny after all to taste so much pain. But still , I’m tried to fight it and I know maybe it’s useless and will hurt myself,, but at least I’m tried to change my life……

I’M STILL STAND STRONG EVEN NOW SO MUCH PAIN………..

When the time comes

There’s  star in the sky after the rain stopped. it's a cold and beautiful night. My mind flow away and I know I will lose again the important person in my life. I don’t know why I feel like this. There’s nothings will be forever. Not everything we want, we will get it. It’s not that easy because the sacrifice will be there. All pain, all scars, start bleeding again…. Now, I hope will fill my last moment with happiness. Raining in my heart will never stop, but I have to stand strong to realize my dreams. 

 

No. no… I still have my love which always watches me from the sky. “What I’m supposed to do, carren? Do I have been cursed that all people I love leave me behind alone?” speak to my self in the dark. Its feel like autumn leaf, have to leave the trees because it’s time to leave. The leaf will miss a lot the moment that being together with trees. Eventhough the leaf wanna stayed until the end of life, but its can’t afford it. That moment make me realize about there’s nothings will be forever. I’m tried to doubt it, but in the bottom of my heart, I know it’s the truth. 

 

Last few month, I was very happy, for the first time after so long I never feel so energetic and real smile on my face. It’s wow!!... I know from beginning it’s only temporary, but I feel the happiness in my life even it was short. With all promise I made that never leave me alone just wanna make me feel better. In my deepest heart, I realize it’s impossible to do so. But I’m still fighting for it eventhough I know I will hurt in the end…At that time, I will leave everything behind, I will disappeared from their eyes. I will take my heart go far away from here ………..

Unsure

It’s already in August, raining always be the theme of the day. Wind’s blowing, the environment keep cold, wonder whether I supposed feel happy? There’s something appears in my hearts that feeling said, someone wanna throw me to end of the world, someone look happy when I’m suffered, someone keep waiting for this moment. May be this time testing myself. I can run away if I’m alone, but I can’t because there’s have responsibility that I need to carry out. Now, I need to face all the things by myself. I just keep smiling because I know, this chapter it’s about to end. Let taste everything before going up to the next level, works. Something about the perfect life I dream before not become reality.

Rain keeps falling, my feeling keeps……………………………………..I don’t’ know how to describe it, it’s really hurt, happy, sadness, darkness, still I’m tried to stand alone, being strong enough to face it, like in wars, only left one soldier to fight a lot of enemies, still fight until the end, there’s a lot of blood.

No one can help me. If I’m failed to face this fucking situation, if I can’t control myself, I will kills everyone before I died, I will kill all memories with them. No, there’s only left less than 6 years. I need a new breath.